Final Fantasy VII Remake feat. Tifa (feat. Technical Difficulties)

It was either a post on the Final Fantasy VII Remake -- or the first part of it, at least -- or another one on Smash Ultimate.  Trust me, it was a dead heat right up to the finish line.

Also, I should probably talk briefly about that time my computer temporarily died.  So let’s get stuck in.

How to Save Dead or Alive 6 (Maybe, LOL)

I don’t think there was ever any doubt that we would get Dead or Alive 6; the question was when.  Things looked grim for a while, considering that Koei Tecmo/Team Ninja dropped future support/updates for Dead or Alive 5, and at the time there were no outspoken plans for a sequel.  Then when the E3 Eternal Engine fired up, right before the deluge of info we got confirmation of the franchise’s upcoming successor -- and a trailer to boot.

Probably the most interesting news to come out of it is a certain effort that the devs are making this time around.  According to interviews with execs, the idea is to tone down the sexuality that the franchise has long since become famous for.  Highlights include toned-down jiggle physics, a new sense of realism to make fights more convincing, and the decision to not force everyone to look great at all times.  This time around, they’re going to make sure that “first and foremost, they are fighters”.

So my first thought here is “Haven’t we done this before?”  The answer is yes.  And it didn’t work out.  My second thought here is “All right, how are they going to fix this?  Preemptively?”

Valkyria Revolution: It’s So Bad (Part 2)

Oh God, I can feel a migraine coming on already.

*sigh* Let’s just grit our teeth and power through this.  Okay?

Okay.  So the last post dealt primarily with the gameplay of Valkyria Revolution -- and true to this series’ title, it’s bad.  Stunningly bad.  As I said, not a single choice made was the right one.  Combat is slow, strategy is nonexistent, AI is worthless; the list goes on and on.  (Boy that upgrade system is borked.)  It’s unpleasant from start to finish.  At least, I assume that’s the case -- because I tapped out after seven hours with the game, and didn’t even make it to the halfway point according to the built-in table of contents.  I’m not too broken up about it, because that means I get to put more time into learning some new fighting game characters.  (Why didn’t anyone tell me Dizzy was so cool?)

I can still think of a few questions that need asking and answering, though.  Since this is a video game we’re talking about, gameplay is king.  Well, I assume as much among the general gaming populace.  Can good gameplay compensate for a bad story?  Essentially.  Tekken 7’s story is not great, but I don’t begrudge it when it lets me land a juggle combo into a Rage Art.  Can a good story save a bad game?  Possibly.  That answer will vary between people and games, especially depending on the length.  But as far as I’m concerned, there’s one ironclad rule at play here: you can’t have a game with both bad gameplay AND a bad story.

And guess which game does?

Are Video Game Characters Just Functions?

Real talk: I saw this header (sans my edits) on Destructoid a few days ago, and I thought to myself, “AHAHAHAHA!  Oh God, I HAVE to use this in a post somehow!”  I’m so glad I was able to -- although I lament not being able to work in some birds for scale.  In any case?  Peter “Combofiend” Rosas?  If you and/or the rest of the Capcom crew are reading this, then bless your hearts.

So I might as well start this post off right.  It looks like it’s that time again, everyone: now I get to talk about improbably buxom fictional women.

On Characters as Commodities

*sigh*

I’m not mad, anime.  I’m just…disappointed.

So How Good is Tomb Raider, Really?

Hey, anybody remember PlayStation All-Stars: Battle Royale?  Anybody?

A lot of discussions have been had on the game’s roster, which is completely fair.  Not all of the choices made in/for that game were what I’d call good, and the lack of some key faces is proof of that.  Chief among them?  I’m pretty sure there were some people calling for Lara Croft (with Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon pretty much locked away in Activision’s dungeon), but were passionately denied the chance.  Why?  Who knows?  I mean, I’m not an expert on the franchise, but I thought that Tomb Raider was a mainstay of the PlayStation family until semi-recently.  Granted I’m guessing some installments and ports made it to the PC, but even if Lara’s jumped to other consoles, it’s a moot point when she would’ve shared a game with a Big Daddy and Isaac Clarke.

Anyway, Tomb Raider.  Thanks to the 2013 reboot and the recent game, the name’s seen a lot of traction.  Like plenty of properties these days, what’s old is new again; there’s a new Lara Croft and not one, but two brand new adventures, with a whole new style and the horsepower to make each new game the most extensive to date.  That’s not to undermine the successes and legacy of the earlier games, of course, but it’s a safe bet that the new stuff -- spearheaded by Crystal Dynamics -- is here to stay.

But is that a good thing?  Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

It’s Super Dynamic Controversy Time!

Oh wait, what am I saying?  It’s always Super Dynamic Controversy Time.  I’m just taking time out to highlight it because -- well, why not?

Obviously, I’m prone to thinking about video games, and thinking hard about them.  I want the medium to evolve and reach its full potential, even if the journey to that ideal form is rough and sluggish.  Certain mindsets and practices aren’t helping, though; big businesses aren’t always the most eager to explore the art forms, but it’s not as if we can blame the suits for all of gaming’s ills.  Problems exist on, and are exacerbated by, people on every rung of the ladder.  The sooner everyone understands that, the better off we’ll all be.  Self-reflection, open-mindedness, et cetera, et cetera.

I’ll come back to that later on.  But for now, let’s talk about Metal Gear and gigantic asses.  Given sneaking suits of games past, those two are far from mutually exclusive.

Shower Thoughts with Monster Girls (Part 1)

Real talk?  I don’t know if there’s a heaven or a hell, but if there was ever a surefire way to get sent to the latter, it’d be with a post like this.

On Dead or Alive and Shortchanged Heroines

Disclaimer: all things considered, you can’t really call me a fan of the Dead or Alive franchise.  The only one I’ve ever really played is DOA4, and while I had plenty of fun with it, I’ve since moved on to…well, pretty much every other fighting game this generation.  I skipped out on DOA5 in its entirety, and even with the new editions that have popped up, there’s never been much of an impetus to jump in.

Still, I kept an eye on the news surrounding Last Round because of the prospect of a new playable character.  Who would it be?  I mean, Ultra Street Fighter 4 blew it with its hyped “fifth fighter” by just serving up Cammy clone Decapre, so surely competitor Team Ninja/Koei Tecmo wouldn’t make the same mistake, right?  And the potential was limitless; rumors and theories about a fighting female pirate made the rounds, so maybe -- oh, it’s just a schoolgirl.  Well, that’s still something totally fresh and interestizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

So What’s The Deal With JRPGs?

Don’t you just love how after spending a solid two months talking about shooters, almost as soon as it’s over I jump immediately to its diametric opposite in JRPGs?  And on more than one occasion, just 'cause?

You could argue that it’s “comfort food” or “getting back into my comfort zone” -- but I’d hope that you wouldn’t.  I like JRPGs, but it seems like I’m being typecast as a guy who only likes Japanese games, or only likes Japanese things; anyone who’s read this blog for long enough should know that’s not the case.  In all honesty, JRPGs aren’t even my favorite game genre.  Granted I don’t know what that is, exactly, considering that my favorite games are all over the map.  But let it be known that even if I can (and will) appreciate a good JRPG, I still think they’re not the be-all and end-all.

So let’s talk a little about JRPGs…as a way to compensate for the fact that I never really did go over a semi-comprehensive list of good JRPGs for every system.  I admit it, I goofed.

If words aren’t enough, please accept a slew of Christina Hendricks pictures as an apology. But then again, why wouldn't words be enough?  Surely we don't live in a world in which the written word has a thousandth of the worth of the average picture.  That would just be ridiculous, and largely counter-intuitive to a society so reliant on verbal and textual communication.  Simply outrageous.  Simply, truly outrageous.

...You're not even reading this text, are you?

So What’s the Deal with Sexy Characters? (Part 2)

I need to watch more Seinfeld.

I’ve been thinking about doing a post on BlazBlue: Chrono Phantasma over the past couple of weeks, but given that I’ve had material gathering dust for ages, I figured I should get that stuff out there first.  So until then, I want to bring it into the discussion of sexy characters -- however briefly.  Again.

CP is the first BB installment I’ve played since the original Continuum Shift from years ago -- and the new installment offers up a chance for me to start fresh and learn to play more characters with some competence besides “easy mode” Ragna.  I’ve long since started maining Hakumen --the sickest character -- but I can’t help but think back to one night when I was on the character select screen for the trials.  I spotted Litchi’s picture nestled in the corner, and I thought to myself, “Hey, why not?”

Well, I can think of one reason: because she’s a sexy character, and if you play a sexy character, you’re clearly a terrible person who deserves to get kicked in the junk, right?  And by default she’s awful and sexist, and her creators are awful and sexist and deserve a million kicks to the junk.  At least if a subsection of the internet is to be believed.

Strawman?  Never heard of it.  Is that some kind of scarecrow superhero?

So What’s the Deal with Sexy Characters? (Part 1)

I hope you read that title with your best Jerry Seinfeld impression.

This was originally supposed to be one of those short, open-ended question posts I’ve started doing, but this is a topic that I want to dig into to make my case.  So it’s a good idea to strap in early.  Of course, like any given post, there’s nothing stopping you from weighing in with a comment once all’s typed and done.  It’ll just take a bit longer to get down to the bottom of the page.  Okay?  Okay.

I’ve mentioned this before, but it seems like nothing has really been gained when it comes to the discussion on the depiction of women in games…and media in general, but I see the most conflict pop up in games.  The whole Zero Suit Samus/high heel debacle brought the debate up again.  Just as it did with the Sorceress/Amazon designs of Dragon’s Crown.  To say nothing of intermittent arguments, like when there’s an article on Senran Kagura, or Dead or Alive, or whatever.  It almost feels like there’s moral outrage just because some designs pop up…and then there IS moral outrage when you get articles like this.

I’m not going to say that article wasn’t purposefully rabble-rousing to generate traffic…but I am going to think it.  

Ruminations on the Big N’s Blondes

Hey guys!  Want to see me whack a beehive with a hockey stick?  Then let me ask you a question: how do you feel about Zero Suit Samus’ new design?

I’m going to come right out and say it: I think it’s all right.  The high heels are an interesting addition, and one that I wouldn’t have made, but hey.  It’s there, and it’s just a tweak to a character that’s already pretty cool.  But I think the best part of the redesign is ZSS’s face, and head in general; HD graphics have served her well, and believe it or not that’s the part of her I keep zeroing in on.  Now, if only the rest of the internet could do the same, we’d be set.

Then again, it seems like these days there’s always something to rally behind -- some trivial, others…not so much.  Given that I buried my face in my hands and shook my head when I heard that there’s going to be a movie reboot of Power Rangers by the dark forces behind movies like Twilight, The Hunger Games, and Divergent, I’m probably no better than anyone else out there.

Though in my defense…really, Hollywood?  Really?

D.O.X. is Dead #4: Destiny and Beauty

Okay, so we’re at installment number four.  Let’s do something a little different.  Here’s a very brief recap/summary of what’s been talked about so far.  But let’s do it with style, and invoke the spirit of Kamen Rider OOO.  Sing along if you know the words.  Or the five-second phrase at the start of an episode.  Or, you know, just speak.  Don’t sing.  I feel like this conversation’s gone off the rails, so let’s get to it…with the proper thirty-second music, of course.

These three things happened last time on D.O.X. is Dead! 

Firstly, the ghost-centric story and its multiple versions are revealed -- along with the concepts and key event at its core!

Secondly, the two lead characters, Arc Siegel and Kaylee Hazlett, are discussed at length -- with one of the old version’s greatest faults made clear!

And thirdly, the setting is analyzed, and its expansion made clear…along with the corruption system that informs the plot!

Okay, that’ll do it.  By the way, you can probably close that video earlier.  Unless you actually like the music.  In fact, just go bookmark it so you can listen to it whenever you want.  It’ll be fun.  Or do the smart thing and throw your computer out the window so you can rid yourself of that nonsense once and for all.

Still here?  Great.   Now let’s begin in earnest.

Is Senran Kagura Secretly Brilliant?

Hey, everybody, how’s it going?  Let’s talk about breasts.

A while back, I was on The Escapist sifting through the forums -- something I don’t do all that often, unless there’s an interesting topic listed on the front page.  But as internet-surfing tends to go, one thing led to another, and after a while somebody asked an interesting question: “If Alyx Vance had big breasts, would she be a worse character?”  I don’t know Half-Life well enough to comment, but I’ve heard of her before (semi-extensively, because she’s a top-tier female character).  And I know that her abject non-sexualization is part of her appeal.  “She’s wearing clothes!  She doesn’t have big boobs!  She’s not just eye candy!”  And so on. 

But would making her improbably buxom automatically hurt her appeal?  Her credibility?  Well, yes and no.  “Yes” in the sense that a bust boost threatens to head into seedy territory, and could be exploited.  “No” in the sense that just because a character is busty doesn’t make them a bad character.  (See: Lulu, Cortana, Juliet Starling, Bayonetta, Elizabeth Comstock, several Mass Effect characters, several Dragon Age characters, at least one character per Tales game, and virtually every female character in the Devil Survivor games.)  If a character only exists to be objectified, that’s a problem.  If a colossal chest -- for a variable definition of “colossal” -- is used to make a character visually distinct, and as a trait of a character than a defining characteristic, then it makes for more stable ground.

Which brings me to Senran Kagura -- the seediest of all seedy games.

Let's Get Beautiful

You know, I’ve been thinking.  (Cue the panicked shrieks of the masses as they run desperately for cover.)

So word on the street is that Senran Kagura is coming to the West.  That’s interesting, I suppose.  I can’t personally summon up too much interest in the game, but if it’s set to make plenty of gamers happy -- and of course let the devs offer up something to a wider audience -- then I’m glad this is something that’s happening.  Of course, I can’t help but get a little nervous about reactions to the game being released; the whole Dragon’s Crown brouhaha is still a sore point for a lot of people, and has opened up debates that have likely done nothing more than spin in circles at 8000 RPM. 

I’d argue that Senran Kagura has its own merits as a game and a series -- artistic merit, creative liberties, etc., etc. -- but even so it’s a bit harder to defend than Dragon’s Crown.  That game has more overt throwbacks to fantasy artists and games of the past, with its eyebrow-raising designs a consequence of applying the amped-up aesthetic and design philosophy to everything and everyone.  It’s very likely -- probable, even -- that Senran Kagura exists on the same axis (as an over-the-top parody of fanservice-laden elements, or if not that then winking tributes), but the line between playing it straight and playing it for laughs is…er…hazy.

So why is it that the more I hear about the game, the more I’m intrigued by it?

Let's discuss some good JRPGs.

“Better than Final Fantasy.”

That’s a phrase I throw out a lot whenever my brother asks me what I think of a JRPG I’m trying out for the first time -- usually one I say in the most deadpan, bitter tone I can muster.  Of course, we’re talking about post-FF13 Final Fantasy, not any of the other ones…though where exactly the series took a nosedive will vary from one person to the next.  In my case, 13 was the one that I consider to be an affront and betrayal.  And pretty much everything since then has not only affirmed that there’s still plenty of hope for the genre, but that in many respects Final Fantasy has been surpassed both before and after 13’s release.  There’s always a possibility that Squeenix can pull out of its tailspin with some massive changes, or the release of Versus 13 that will supposedly restore the faith (though I’m increasingly worried about how it’ll turn out), but until then there are plenty of games that’ll scratch that itch.  And I’m going to start naming them here and now.  Whether they’re underrated, unknown, or just plain under…a rug or something…let’s have a good long talk about some JRPGs.  Or…part one of a long talk.  Probably.  You know me.

...And this is the part where I wonder how many people actually read that paragraph instead of staring at the picture on its immediate right.

Well, whatever.  Go right ahead -- read on, if you’re looking for something to tickle your fancy.  And who knows?  Maybe you’ll get more pictures of Christina Hendricks along the way. 

And that’s how you dangle a carrot on a stick.