Oh jeez. Where do I even
begin?
I guess I can start by
saying two things. One: this might
actually be a short post, because I know almost exactly what I want to say; you
won’t be seeing a week’s worth of content like you did with The Dark Knight Rises. Two: I don’t really want to make this post --
like, I want to, but I don’t want to. I feel like there’s not much I need to say,
and only so much of merit. And unlike
other posts where I’d pretty much spell out the whole movie, I don’t think
that’s necessary or appropriate this time around, as you’ll see by post’s
end. Whenever that may be.
So let me start (again)
by saying this: I went into this movie not knowing what to expect. I mean, yeah, I saw the trailer for it for
the first time when I saw Looper. I didn’t think much of it, except a call back
to a joke made on The Editing Room: “I couldn’t decide which movie to make, so
I just made ALL OF THEM!” I didn’t think
much of it at the time, but it’s not like I automatically hated it. I just had the same neutrality I often do
with movies, and more so for trailers (remember when the Prometheus trailer made the movie look sick as shit? And then the movie happened?). But apparently, the trailer -- and the
presence of Tom Hanks -- was enough to win my brother over, and he had designs
to go see it with me as soon as possible…or as soon as Assassin’s Creed 3 came out.
So I went with him, and
sat down in the theater with him. And
after about seventeen minutes of preview trailers, I watched the movie. I sat there and watched that movie for nearly
three whole hours.
Three whole hours. Huh. I
feel like that reminds me of something.
Something…magical. Something worthwhile. Something that I owe myself to experience
again and again and aga--
Did I say
worthwhile? Sorry, I meant a complete
mess. I’m sure that has nothing to do
with my opinion of this movie, though.
(All right, people, you know the drill.
Spoilers of every persuasion are going to follow, so if you’re not in a
mood to get tailed by them and stabbed in the face, you’re better off hiding in
a stack of hay and hoping the Redcoats don’t find you, or else you’ll
desynchronize and have to start the mission over.
No, I haven’t played Assassin’s
Creed 3 lately. Why do you ask?)