Lightning Returns: One Final Battle

I don’t think I’ve had an existential crisis this bad since I watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon and legitimately wanted to bash my head against something until everything went black. 

Just thought I’d throw that out there to set the tone.

Let’s discuss Final Fantasy 13-2 (Part 2).

“A man is like a novel: until the very last page you don't know how it will end. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth reading.”

― Yevgeny Zamyatin, We

Yeah…I’m going to have to debate that opinion.

I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this...

Welcome to the end, people.  Spoilers -- and the strongest opinions you’ll hear all day -- to follow.

Final Fantasy 13: Target's a Target (Part 4)

So.  Let’s talk about this game again.

I know it’s been…what, half a year since the last post dedicated to this game?  And I’m pretty sure I promised that I’d be hitting some of the high notes (relatively speaking) well before that.  But I got distracted by other stuff, and then the next thing I know, I can’t quite summon up enough bile to give the game a licking.  That’s not to say I’ve forgiven it by any means; it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to summon the right bile.  It would have been lukewarm at best, I think.

That problem no longer exists.  I’ve played through a few hours of Final Fantasy 13-2, and…hmmm, what’s the best way to describe it?  A disappointment?  A disaster?  Dead on arrival?  Dumber than a lobotomized turkey after several decades of inbreeding?  Well, any one of those would likely do.  What I’m getting at is that for all of 13’s faults, 13-2 is on a whole different level of terrible.  Is it worse than its predecessor?  Well…there’s a lot I want to say about that game, and I will.  Believe me, I will.

But in order to talk about that game, I want to tie up some loose ends.  I need to wrap up this game first…and then, maybe I’ll be able to make fewer jokes at its expense. 

And then I can start making jokes at 13-2’s expense.  Circle of life, I guess.

(It goes without saying, but there are going to be SPOILERS.  You know, if you care.  I certainly don’t at this point.  I seriously -- like, I can’t even bring myself to care.  I don’t -- I really don’t feel like -- I AIN’T EVEN MAD!

…Okay, I am a little bit.

Excuse me; I need to smoke the equivalent of the combined weight of China’s population in cigarettes.  And if I’ve done my job right, by the end of this post you will too.)

Keep Doing What You’re Doing, Squeenix: The Lightning Saga

Man, it’s getting late.  I’ve done all the writing I need to for one day, and I don’t think there’s anything else online of note.  Guess I’ll call it a night.

…Oh wait.  I forgot to check what’s on Siliconera.  I even have a tab open.  Well, let’s see what they’ve got, and then I’ll hit the hay.

Hmmm, Persona 4 Arena news.  Good stuff.  Gotta remember to work on getting that Naoto wallpaper from the Japanese site tomorrow.  3DS news…RPG news…a little something from Capcom…and…

Wait.  Wait, what?  What is this supposed to be?

What. 

What?

What?

And then I screamed a lot, shot Frieza in the face with a ki blast, and escaped from Namek in one of the Ginyu Force’s pods.

Now that that little story is out of the way, let’s talk about Final Fantasy 13 for a minute.