I know it’s been…what,
half a year since the last post dedicated to this game? And I’m pretty sure I promised that I’d be
hitting some of the high notes (relatively speaking) well before that. But I got distracted by other stuff, and then
the next thing I know, I can’t quite summon up enough bile to give the game a
licking. That’s not to say I’ve forgiven
it by any means; it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to summon the right bile. It would have been lukewarm at best, I think.
That problem no longer
exists. I’ve played through a few hours
of Final Fantasy 13-2, and…hmmm,
what’s the best way to describe it? A
disappointment? A disaster? Dead on arrival? Dumber than a lobotomized turkey after
several decades of inbreeding? Well, any
one of those would likely do. What I’m
getting at is that for all of 13’s faults,
13-2 is on a whole different level of
terrible. Is it worse than its
predecessor? Well…there’s a lot I want
to say about that game, and I will.
Believe me, I will.
But in order to talk
about that game, I want to tie up some loose ends. I need to wrap up this game first…and then,
maybe I’ll be able to make fewer jokes at its expense.
And then I can start
making jokes at 13-2’s expense. Circle of life, I guess.
(It goes without saying, but there are going to
be SPOILERS. You know, if you care. I certainly don’t at this point. I seriously -- like, I can’t even bring
myself to care. I don’t -- I really
don’t feel like -- I AIN’T EVEN MAD!
…Okay, I am a little bit.
Excuse me; I need to smoke the equivalent of
the combined weight of China’s population in cigarettes. And if I’ve done my job right, by the end of
this post you will too.)
Most defensible indefensible character ever created: Hope
You know what? I…I actually don’t think Hope is as bad as
people say.
Don’t get me wrong --
he’s still bad, and he’s still annoying, and he’s still as contradictory and
malformed as all the rest. But the way
people talk about him, it’s as if he’s single-handedly responsible for turning FF13 into a complete mess; all this,
because he has the gall to be afraid
and confused and angry about the loss of his mom. Seriously, people? Seriously?
Yes, he is a bit of a milquetoast, but what would you have done if your
mother essentially died before your eyes, you got exiled from your home and the
life you cherished, you’re about as likely to be invited to a party as a leper
carrying the plague, and you’re forced to go on a road trip with Vanille? Cut the kid a little slack.
To be fair, my
(relative) tolerance of Hope is probably because I see things that could have
been, instead of things that were. If
nothing else, Hope has a story arc, which instantly puts him above virtually
everyone else in the entire cast -- and he occupies one of maybe two slots for
having a story arc that almost makes sense.
At a base level, he goes from a loser eager to cling to his mother’s leg
to a child thrown into a world he can’t begin to understand, dives into a scheme
to take revenge, realizes the error of his ways and his own weakness, and ends
up toughening up so he can give himself the future he desires. That’s all stuff that could work in theory,
but in practice, it suffers. And it
suffers from the very get-go.
The trigger for Hope’s
arc is the death of his mother Nora, which is fine in itself. The problem is that the events and thoughts
that come from it are all completely
ass-backwards. Snow (rather
stupidly) expects the refugees he’s supposed to be protecting to take up arms
and fight alongside his little resistance group; rather than stick by her son
and protect him, or at least be near him and give emotional support, Nora
decides to grab a gun and play soldier.
It’s no surprise that she ends up getting killed (likely a consequence
of being over thirty in a JRPG), and Hope is rightfully shaken…but here’s the
thing. Nora was the one that abandoned Hope. All the hate and anger he projected onto Snow
was completely and utterly misplaced; it should have been on his mom, because
-- again -- she abandoned him. What is the purpose of a subplot where Hope
plans on killing Snow, someone who admittedly had a connection to his mother’s
death, but ultimately isn’t the one at fault?
Moreover, what is the point of a subplot where murder is the intended
outcome when Hope is a fragile, scarf-wearing little snot with a boomerang and
Snow is at least six and a half feet tall and punches the shit out of
gods? Where the hell did he get the idea
to start toting around a knife and enacting vigilante justice?
Oh. Well, that explains it.
Thankfully, Hope does
toughen up well before the game’s end, meaning that some character development
DID go on (seriously; compare and contrast Starting Hope to Ending Hope). By then, however, the damage is done -- and
to take a note from the guys at Penny Arcade once more, “why can’t I start with
characters that are gold, and refine them into platinum?” Why did Hope have to suck at the outset,
instead of being cool from the start and awesome
at the end? More to the point -- and
this is what I meant when I said “seeing what could have been” -- why wasn’t
Hope the main character? Surely the
target audience has more in common with him than some pink-haired super soldier
(wish fulfillment be damned). He goes
through character development, albeit development that needed work. He has a different take on the world, and a
much fresher perspective compared to Lightning.
His backstory, while lacking in pizzazz, could have injected more
meaning into the story. What was his
life like before things went awry? What’s
his relationship to his mother and father?
What about friends and his home life?
Why a boomerang? We see glimpses
of it, and looking back I’d say I’m more interested in that personal element
instead of the bullshit gofer system created by the fal’Cie and the developers.
Seriously, this is not
a hard concept. One of 13’s biggest failings was that it tried
to give us six fleshed out characters when its narrative structure and writing
ability could barely handle one. If it
had put its focus elsewhere -- on one, and ONLY one viewpoint character -- then
it might have been better off. That’s
not saying the other characters wouldn’t get fleshed out, or that switching
perspectives between multiple characters isn’t impossible; it’s just that
whatever you do, you have to do it adroitly. If you can’t, then don’t. Make it easier on yourself by working within
your means. Simplify. Do what you can do, and don’t chase after
something you can’t. Of course at this
stage I’m starting to wonder if there’s any talent to be had in the entirety of
Squeenix HQ…but that’s neither here nor there.
Perennial winner of the “Did you know this character was black?” award:
Sazh
Oh, Sazh. Oh, Sazh.
Oh, Sazh, Sazh, Sazh.
Let’s see if I can
trace the great and mighty Squeenix’s thought processes here. First of all, you start by making an older
character -- one you make black, with an afro and guns, but I’m willing to let
those slide. You give him a chance to be
a deep, engaging character with a unique perspective on life and the world by
virtue of his age and his status as a father.
You give him a few “episodes” to stretch his legs and flesh out his
backstory (though you try and play straight his attempted suicide -- really,
who are you trying to fool?). So of
course you try and treat the character -- one of the most popular characters,
as it turns out -- with a bit of decorum, right? A bit of dignity, and not just poor attempts
at comic relief?
That’s not how Squeenix
does things. It doesn’t matter if Sazh
is an inherently tragic and serious character; as the oldest and blackest
member of the party he’s relegated to comic relief. He’s clumsy.
He falls over. He can’t do any of
the cool moves his comrades can. His
summoned creature’s big damn super attack has him getting flung out in spite of
presumably being well-secured in his seat.
They needed a buffoon, and they gave that role to the worst person
possible, the one who could have been
anything but the buffoon. He could
have been the leader. He could have been
the main character. He could have been
the mental and emotional support the group needed, with his rationality
bringing everyone together. He could
have been this storied, decorated character whose service in the military might
have made a compelling backdrop, or given us a better look at the world.
But naaaaaaaaaah, I
guess that would have been too much work.
Why call in Denzel Washington when you can bring in Chris Tucker?
Hope you haven’t been holding out for a villain: Jihl
Probably the biggest
deathblow dealt to Sahz and his arc -- and by extension the entire game -- is
how the developers handled Jihl. I
remember how, prior to release, there were articles on Kotaku and other sites
that painted her as a villain. And
honestly, I bought it. Based on design
alone, she seemed like a foil, a counterpoint to Lightning -- refined and
charismatic, but underneath that cool exterior hid the heart of a true
villain. And expectations were
fulfilled; Jihl met Lightning’s stoic aggression but general goodness (?)
point-for-point with her patented “antagonism with a smile”. She screws with the heroes at a few
junctures, but more importantly messes with Sazh’s son and pushes him into
despair. Getting revenge on her should
have been the high point of Sazh’s arc, and the game’s apex.
Apparently Squeenix
didn’t share the same sentiment, because they off her without so much as a boss
fight. No payoff. No resolution. No evolution, either to her character or to
anyone else’s. She just gets
unceremoniously booted out of the game to be replaced with…nothing.
People, are you
starting to understand me here? Do you
follow why I hate this game so much, and keep making jokes about it, and time
after time after time find new problems and issues and boneheaded decisions to
point out? The game is a failure on so many levels. Characters that are either terrible or get
kneecapped by their creators’ incompetence.
A world that is at once abstract by way of ridiculous art design and assets
but overwhelmingly simplistic by way of being a straight line from start to
finish. Gameplay that you can almost
entirely clear while asleep, as long as you have a functioning thumb and index
finger. A story that not only manages to
start off as dead on arrival, but
somehow manages to go even further past the mortal coil into some hypothetical
level of supra-death. Millions of
dollars and thousands of man-hours spent to create this, and it was all a waste
of time; it’s like they started painting the house before they’d even built the
foundation. And somehow, somehow, SOMEHOW they not only managed
to get enough money to make a sequel out of nowhere, but make a sequel that
manages to be as bad, AND MAYBE WORSE
than the original game. AND
NOW THEY’RE MAKING ANOTHER ONE.
Damn it all…why was I
born a gamer?
Uhhhh…: Cid and…uhhhhhhhhhh…the other guys
I thought about
mentioning this earlier, but decided against it: I’m pretty much talking about
this game from memory now. If I make a
mistake somewhere, or if I neglect to add anything important and
discussion-worthy, say so in a comment.
But the reason I bring this up is because I want you to understand where
I’m coming from here. My memory is
pretty good, relatively speaking. I
mean, I can remember both big details and slight nuances from FF10, and I haven’t played that game in
years. Same goes for 12; I didn’t play much of that, but I
remember a fair share of details here and there from my brother’s playthrough.
But for the life of me,
I can’t even begin to remember what Cid was trying to do. Or what other characters were trying to
do. Or their importance on the
plot. Or their names.
The most concrete thing
that I can remember about Cid is that he was a pain-in-the-ass boss fight. I mean, if I think really hard I can kind of
remember some details. Like, he was in a
position of power…he might have been working for the pope…he helped the party
get to some place as part of the gods’ divine edict…and then tried to kill them
for some reason. And then he died…and
then came back to life, I think…and died again.
But in the grand scheme of things, I couldn’t begin to tell you what his
effect on the plot was besides giving the party a morale boost with his death,
I guess (which begs the question of what would happen if he killed them,
especially given that it took several retries for me to beat him -- wouldn’t
that screw up the gods’ plan as well?
Why do they even need the party if Cid can turn into some crystalline
angel?).
And he’s not the only
character. There’s that recurring boss
and requisite white-haired villain Yaag (Or Yaarg, or Yaar or something) who’s
all about the loyalty and flies in a ship named after a FF7 boss, but that’s about it.
I remember Snow’s resistance buddies, but I didn’t know half their names
until 13-2 -- or more reasonably,
when I turned the subtitles on. And
they’re all pretty one-note. Gadot is
the hot-headed big guy. Lebreau is the sassy
woman. Maqui is the tech guy, maybe. Yuj is blue-haired and replaceable. There’s Hope’s father Bartholomew who gives
his soon a morale boost and then disappears for the rest of the game, and I
can’t remember even the basest reason why his cutscenes were important. And there was some guy in The Cavalry who I
guess was important, but I don’t remember why or what he did or even what his
name was…or even if he was in The Cavalry.
Just that he was serving under Cid or something.
Conventional knowledge
suggests that using the word “forgettable” to describe anything usually isn’t
done as a compliment. But that’s about
all I can do to describe these people, the ones who should have had the
potential to make the game fantastic.
Good. Passable, even. But the most I can say is --
Oh wait, I remember
something else about Gadot! He had this
weird-ass battle stance where he crouched to the ground like a monkey while
toting his gun. Somebody call the army,
this man is a military genius!
Oh, hey, let’s talk about this evil pope dude: Dysley/Barthandelus
You know, I’m suddenly
reminded of Chrono Trigger.
It can’t be any deeper
than the first hour or so of the game (if that) before you enter a church in
search of the missing Marle. It only
takes a few seconds of investigation before the nuns praying nearby reveal
themselves to be horrible snake-women.
Easily dispatched snake-women, but horrible all the same. It’s not exactly a taxing encounter or even
one of the most memorable in that game, but it makes me wonder: why are
religions in games so often painted as evil?
This isn’t just a
problem with Final Fantasy (even
though it turned out that FF10 had an
inherently-corrupt system orchestrated by sorcerers and the undead to ensure
eternal life). Tales of the Abyss? The pope
-- the fat old one, not the horrifically-effeminate young one -- uses deceit
and essentially warfare to fulfill an outmoded prophecy, and goes so far as to
turn into a blubbery mass of corruption.
Tales of Symphonia? The angels are running the show, as part of
their gambit to find the perfect host for their leader’s sister as well as
ensure that the life-choking flow of mana between worlds remains undisturbed.
And let’s not even start counting how many games focus on killing gods -- gods
that turn out to be malevolent, power-hungry world destroyers.
What I’m getting at is
that the malevolent god angle has been well-worn. It’s okay to use the idea, but you have to do
something with it. You can’t just say
“evil god” or “evil pope” and leave it at that; you need to add in a personal
touch. 13’s take on the trope is to make the evil pope a smarmy,
overconfident nihilist who offers dime-store philosophy lessons and assertions
that everything’s going according to his plan to the party. Oh, and he turns into Lightning’s sister
Serah in one cutscene. And…that’s about
it.
You know, now that I
think about it there’s something that kind of bothers me about religions in
games: why is there only one of them at a time?
Hear me out on this: just off the top of my head I can think of about
five major religions in the real world.
And there are who-knows-how-many minor faiths spread across the globe --
and even more across different eras. So
why is it that video games so rarely have more than one at a time? Why hasn’t there been a separation of church
and state? If the one religion is
connected to everything, and the one religion falls by virtue of its corruption
crumbling its organization from the duress or its key figures either ousted to
be vile schemers or vehement gods/monsters, what happens to society? Does it fall apart? Do lesser religions take its place? Do the people accept new faiths after the old
and trusted one turned out to be a well-kept lie?
…I like how I’m
supposed to be discussing the game’s main villain, but I’m more eager to talk
about the ramifications of societal upheaval via ruptured religions. But then again, that’s pretty telling about
the nature of the game.
Did I mention that his
boss form is a giant face-wall robot that takes what feels like minutes to get
through, even if you’re firing on all cylinders?
Just a taste of things to come: Serah
I know that a while
back I took shots at Squeenix for making Serah the lead for 13-2, but it’s possible that I might
have been too hasty. After all, I hadn’t
played the game, and there was plenty of time for her to prove herself as a
viable and valiant heroine when given the chance to strike out on her own.
And then I played the
game, and realized that I wasn’t too
hasty. But I’ll get to that.
It’s worth noting that
Serah -- one letter shy of “seraph”; very subtle naming convention there, guys
-- can’t be in any more than five percent of the overall game time. She’s there at the start of the game, yeah,
and you’ll see plenty of her in flashbacks…long, long, long flashbacks…but in
the grand scheme of things she’s marginalized.
Yeah, she sets the story into motion (kind of), and drives a couple of
motivations (Lightning and Snow well among them), but really? She’s just someone to angst over. Also I have a hard time believing she’s even
close to being of age. It certainly doesn’t
help that in the sequel she has not only barely changed in appearance, but the
camera seems to go out of its way to ride up her legs and into the Promised
Land. And zoom in on her chest. Or cut off her head to add more focus to her
chest. And as soon as one cutscene ended
-- I kid you not, without even touching the camera -- I got a hyper-zoomed view
of Serah’s chest. Again.
You’re probably
wondering why I’m going off on another tangent, but honestly? That’s because there isn’t much to say. Serah’s a nice girl who falls prey to a cruel
fate, but loves her friends and family regardless. She’s scared and worried, but accepts her
fate and is turned into a crystal because of it. And that’s about it. More importantly, I want to talk about Serah
-- what little there is to say -- as a record for posterity. Remember my words. Remember all that there is to know about
Serah here, in the context of 13. Because oh, lordy, lordy, we are gonna come
back to this one soon enough.
…Also, how did Serah
make it through Hanging Edge alone and unarmed?
Lightning and Sazh pretty much had to engineer a train crash and revolt,
and Snow had to charge in with a small pocket of guerrillas. Why and how did she make it past a war, monsters,
ruins, and more completely unharmed? And
without a vehicle? And presumably to the
altar of the gods?
One for the road: Lightning
And here we are again.
Real talk: you guys
know me by now, right? You know what I’m
going to say. At least I hope you do,
because I’ve been kinda talking about it for the past couple of months. But whatever; if you’ve been here before and
have read my work, then my next words should be obvious. If you haven’t, then consider this a very
informal, very basic, and very variable primer on how to tell a good story.
The reason why
characters exist in a story -- the main character most of all -- is to prove
ideas within that story. Characters put
forth, interact with, and ultimately prove or disprove the ideas made inherent
by other characters (antagonist or otherwise) and events in the story. In many ways, the main character defines a
story by virtue of those interactions; you can think of it as building a story’s
theme, but it goes just a step or two further than that. The main character sets the tone, the
expectations, the hopes, the stakes, and countless other things -- especially
by way of clashing with an antagonistic force, be it a person, an event,
nature, or even an idea. That, more or
less, is what it means for a story to have a spirit. And time and time again, a good story will
establish its spirit with aplomb.
Lightning doesn’t. If
someone asked you to chart out Lightning’s growth and character development
over the course of the game via line graph, could you really do it? Could you point out her highest and lowest
points, from moments of sudden realization to her trips into despair and hopelessness? Moreover, could you do all that WITHOUT
looking at a wiki? I sure as shit couldn’t. I could point out pretty much the exact
moment when I should have given up on her, and I can point out the exact moment
I realized I wasn’t dealing with a character as much as I was a sword-wielding
swath of carpet, but everything else?
Nothing. Nothing remarkable. Nothing to make her endearing or exciting
beyond punching Snow and slapping Fang, and those are hardly worth praise.
She’s just a character
designed to be a cool, drool-worthy badass…except somehow she manages to fail
doing that, too. Sure, she does some
flip-de-loops and goes boosh-boosh-boosh at the start of the game, but what
does she do after that? She’s being
strung along by the gods, and at the outset is more than willing to let it
ride. She folds her arms and grunts at
the silliness of her party members, but offers no alternatives in return. I’m hard-pressed to remember any time she
used anything beyond brute force to accomplish a goal; she may not be as
recklessly gung-ho as Snow, but I don’t remember her offering any better course
of action to anyone at any time (doubly so when she ends up adopting his reckless
gung-ho style at the end). I STILL have
a hard time believing that she liked anyone in the entire game besides Serah,
and even that’s a stretch given that she outright abandoned her; She may become
tolerant of Hope and Snow, but that’s not saying much at all. And her relationship with Sazh, Vanille, and
Fang is tenuous at best. Given that, how
am I supposed to believe this character has any drive, any desire to protect
her “friends”, and any motivation?
It gets worse. I have repeatedly expressed that several
other characters could have been the lead -- the REAL lead, not just someone on
the front of the box in spite of being part of an ensemble. Hope, Sazh, Snow, even Vanille -- any of them
could have done the job with a rewrite here and there. The reason why is the clincher: if Lightning
wasn’t in the game, not much would be lost.
Sure, conversations would change here and there, but what does Lightning
add to the story that no one else could?
She’s not the chosen one; she’s just another l’Cie that gets picked up
for gofer duty. She is very easily and
very literally replaceable; as long as there are people, they can be turned
into l’Cie to do the jobs the fal’Cie can’t be bothered to do. You could make an argument that by extension,
NONE of the other 13 characters
matter either, and that’s very true. But
even if it’s just by an infinitesimal measure, they manage to offer something
more. Anything more. Sazh and Vanille are there for laughs and
heart. Snow is there to be a big
blustery hero. Hope is there to give us
a coming of age story. Even Fang offers
more; if not for her, there’d be no connection to the past or to Pulse. But what about Lightning? What does she give the player? What does she offer to justify fifty, maybe
sixty hours of gameplay? What does she
do to make her character, her game, her company, and her very genre justified
in its existence?
Maybe you have an
answer to that. And if you do, that’s
great. Again, let me hear it in the
comments; I’m more than eager to hear someone try and prove me wrong. But as things stand -- just as they have for
years -- I cannot, in good faith, in my heart of hearts, give my blessing to
Lightning or her game.
There is just so much failure in one game that I could write a
good half-dozen more posts about it. I
could mention how the development was troubled, or how the demo that came with Advent Children Complete was the first
time they actually pulled the gameplay together, or how they ended up falling
way behind, or any number of grisly background details. I could talk about why exactly the gameplay
was a failure, from the lack of impact and feedback to the brain-dead combat
system, and go even further into why the world itself is a master class in poor
decisions. But I won’t. I can’t.
I know they screwed up. Squeenix
knows they screwed up. Gamers all over
know they screwed up. Even if you’re one
of those who thinks the game is all right, you have to suspect that something
is amiss. For a game in such a vaunted
and acclaimed and beloved -- beloved
-- franchise to have turned out such a poor product is…it’s just…sad.
Actually, scratch that. You know, now that I think about it…it’s kind of
funny. I keep saying that I’m not an
expert on the franchise because I didn’t play the original six games. Or the ninth, for that matter. But I got into FF7. I got it. I was younger back then, so the nuances are
lost, and there are events I’ve probably forgotten. But I got
it. It was something special, you
know? It wasn’t perfect, I know that for
sure. Now more than ever. But it was something that was worth aspiring
toward. It was something that went beyond
just being amazing; it was inspiring. It
told a story that I was eager to follow, and I remember dragging a stool over
to the desk just so I could peek over my brother’s shoulder and watch as he
started his disastrous first playthrough.
For a while, it went beyond just being a game; it was something that I
was eager to experience every day after school.
My brother borrowed the
player’s guide from a friend, and I pretty much tore into it -- in fact, I’m
pretty sure I might have helped knock a few pages loose. I wanted to know what happened -- and even if
I did spoil one or two details, I still wanted to see what happened for
myself. In the flesh. With my own two eyes. It was going to be something amazing -- and
of course, it would all lead up to one fantastic ending.
It took him a few
tries, but my brother finally beat the game.
And I cleared it on my own not long after. The ending was everything I’d hoped for, and
more -- a fine sendoff to a fine game.
And honestly? I would be lying --
telling one hell of a bold lie -- if I didn’t admit that FF7, and the JRPGs that followed, inspired me. They’re not exactly a guide to good
storytelling, I know, but the basics -- the intent -- were still there. A sprawling, fantastic world. Brave heroes, willing to traverse it and overcome
their failings, and bond during their journey.
A heinous threat that could hit close to home, and push everyone and
everything to their limits. Ideas that
would stick with me long after the three disks had been slipped back into their
sleeves. And most of all, memories. Fond memories. Memories that I could preserve, and look back
upon with a smile. I could go, “Hey, I
remember that one. That was pretty much
my life for a while, man.” And I think
somewhere deep inside me, I took that lesson, that feeling to heart. “Hey, maybe I could do something like that
someday. I mean, I like books. I like reading. Why not?”
A part of me wonders
where I’d be if not for video games in my life.
I’d probably be pretty boring.
Probably not as funny. Probably a
bit more fun to be around at parties, though.
But I have fond memories of certain games, and it’s likely that those
memories have given me the impetus to be something more: a storyteller. One who can put a smile on peoples’ faces,
with tales of heroes and adventures and triumph over evil. Do I owe everything that I am to Final Fantasy 7, or 8, or just the series in general?
No, of course not. But they
affected me. They affected others. So did the other games. So did the very concept, the very essence of
the franchise. It wasn’t just around to
steal money from dumb kids looking for cheap thrills and
pseudo-philosophy. It had a
purpose. A reason. A spirit.
A character. A heart.
It had those
things. And now it doesn’t. Now it has this.
See? It's funny, because I learned the truth: every hero dies someday.