The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Terry)

Oh, look at what I found.  It’s a ticket for a trip to the salt mines once again.  No, it’s no problem at all, Sakurai and crew. Let me just get my helmet and gloves -- oh, and a decent pair of pants, too -- and I’ll just crawl right in.  I’m not worried about my lungs at all. Not like there’s coal or anything for me to breathe in.  And what do I even need my lungs for, huh?

*sigh*

The update that brought Terry Bogard into Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is the same one that buffed Jigglypuff, my least favorite character to fight in the entire game.  Great.  I was looking for a reason to throw my Switch in the trash.

On the other hand, Buster Wolf.  So it evens out.  Barely.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Banjo & Kazooie)

So I tried playing some Street Fighter V to break in Poison, AKA the only character I could grab with the pittance of Fight Money I had on hand.  Plus it had been the first time I touched it in about five months, so I thought it’d be fun to test out a new fighter and level up my game.

It wasn’t fun.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that for now.

Let’s wash that horrible, horrible taste out of my mouth with the latest Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC character -- the oft-gone but not forgotten bear and bird duo, Banjo & Kazooie.  Or…is it Banjo-Kazooie?  Well, whatever.  New character, so let’s get salty.  As if I wasn’t already.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines (feat. Hero)

You know, I was planning on doing another post on Super Smash Bros. Ultimate since Hero from Dragon Quest dropped not too long ago.  What I wasn’t planning on?  The fact that the guy’s still relevant days and weeks after his release -- for all the wrong reasons.

Is Hero overpowered?  Does Hero need to be banned?  The answers are…not going to be on this blog, because it’s a coin flip on whether I’ll either have a 7-match win streak, or lose 2 million GSP in a single day.  But I’ve been grinding it out in Ultimate, so I might as well gab a bit.  Come along for the ride.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mine Report (feat. Rosalina)

So Super Smash Bros. Ultimate has been out for months now, and I still haven’t unlocked Elite Smash yet.

On one hand, I’m okay with that because I have enough trouble with the rank-and-file of regular quick play matches.  Best to struggle with those that are (usually) my speed down in the salt mines -- because misery loves company, or something.  On the other hand, this is my pride as a gamer and Smash vet we’re talking about here.  I think I’ve got something like 4 million GSP overall, with my Zelda in the top spot with a similar single-character amount.  Even if I don’t choose to go Elite, I still want the recognition that I could go Elite.

We’ll see if/when I make it there.  And if I do?  It’ll probably be with my current main, Rosalina.

...and Luma.

The Smash Ultimate Salt Mine Report (feat. Joker)

Expectation: Take advantage of time zone shenanigans to play as Joker in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on April 16^th, 2019

Reality: Play as Joker in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate after several failed hours of attempting to brave the total wipeout of the Nintendo eShop, coalescing into me giving up, going to sleep, getting woken up at 4:33 AM, downloading the 3.0.0 update, goofing around and getting the Persona 5 Spirits, and then going back to sleep on April 18^th, 2019

Moral of the story: try to resist the urge to misappropriate the famous “hell is other people” quote when referring to any gamer who isn’t you, and simply enjoy the fact that there’s a new character in Smash.

The keyword here is “try”.  But I’ll get to that.

The Street Fighter V Salt Mine Report (feat. Falke) -- February 2019

So I got a Top 11 finish in Tetris 99, and I thought “I’m not gonna beat that one for a while.  Time to test my luck in Street Fighter V.”

Which, to be clear, is a thought I only had because I was still salty over getting hit with a Raging Demon last week and stewed over that loss for days on end.  So let’s hit it.

The Overwatch Salt Mine Report -- August 2018

It seems like the only time I consistently play Overwatch is when there’s an event that gives me a chance to deck out my girl Mercy with some stylin’ new threads.  Most of the time my chances are non-existent, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying.  And failing.  And trying again.  So it goes that, in the wake of the 2018 Summer Games event, I’m back in and grinding it out to try and get my hands on the Winged Victory skin.

I’ve failed.  Triumphantly.  I might have a chance to grab one or two more loot boxes, but by the time you read this, I’ll probably have thrown in the towel by virtue of the event’s end.  Still, I’ve been grinding it out before I miss the Winged Victory costume again, so you know what that means.  Time for me to start a new, off-and-on series on Overwatch.  So let the salt flow through you as I talk about Blizzard’s beloved (?) shooter.  Starting with…